Practical Corollaries To Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle
By Dale Dobson
The Cocktail Corollary: No personal opinion may be freely expressed until a preliminary assessment of the listeners’ related opinions has been completed.
The Sartorial Corollary: The fashion value of any wardrobe-related purchase cannot be measured by its originator.
The Trailer Corollary: A motion picture’s true qualities cannot be measured until a ticket has been purchased, at which point opinion of the film will exist in an indeterminate state until the credits roll or the instrumentation leaves the theatre.
The Flirtation Corollary: No flirtatious comment or salacious remark may be unambiguously stated before the receptiveness of its target has been confirmed.
First Vacation Corollary: The binary state of an iron, burner, space heater or other potentially inflammatory electric device cannot be determined without returning home after merging onto the freeway.
Second Vacation Corollary: The arrival of a body in motion cannot be accelerated by repeated measurement.
The Piscean Corollary: Any inaccuracy in estimation regarding the size of any sport fish will be magnified by the number and frequency of conversational references.
The Spiritual Corollary: Evidence for any deity’s existence will be recognized in direct proportion to the observer’s degree of belief in said deity.
The Nostalgia Corollary: No element of pop culture may be accurately measured until sufficient time has passed to document statistical significance in relative decay rates of lovabiliate and suckium.
The Fermentation Corollary: All known corollaries may be modified in an alcohol-enriched environment.
Dale Dobson writes, animates and acts in the metropolitan Detroit area, and occasionally gets around to updating daledobson.com. This article originally appeared in the Science Creative Quarterly.
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