APS News

Zero Gravity: the Lighter Side of Science

You Might Be a Physics Major If . . .

student with bulldog

Pablo is sorry he named his dog Immovable Object and wished he'd called him Velocity instead.

  • You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
  • You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
  • You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
  • It is sunny and 72 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
  • When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
  • You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
  • You always do homework on Friday nights.
  • You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
  • You think in "math."
  • You have no life - and you can prove it mathematically.
  • You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
  • You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
  • You have a pet named after a scientist.
  • You can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
  • You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
  • You are completely addicted to caffeine.
  • You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
  • You consider any non-science course "easy."
  • You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
  • The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger's Cat experiment.
  • You can translate English into Binary.
  • You understood more than five of these indicators.
  • You clip this column and post it on your door.

Copyright 1997 Funny-Town. All rights reserved.

APS encourages the redistribution of the materials included in this newspaper provided that attribution to the source is noted and the materials are not truncated or changed.

Editor: Barrett H. Ripin
Associate Editor: Jennifer Ouellette