Zero Gravity: the Lighter Side of Science

You Might Be a Physics Major If . . .

• You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
   
• You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
   
• You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
   
• It is sunny and 72 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
   
• When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
   
• You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
   
• You always do homework on Friday nights.
   
• You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
   
• You think in "math."
   
• You have no life - and you can prove it mathematically.
   
• You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
   
• You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
   
• You have a pet named after a scientist.
   
• You can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
   
• You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
   
• You are completely addicted to caffeine.
   
• You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
   
• You consider any non-science course "easy."
   
• You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
   
• The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger's Cat experiment.
   
• You can translate English into Binary.
   
• You understood more than five of these indicators.
   
• You clip this column and post it on your door.
   

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