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The Darwin Award is presented every year to an individual (or the remains thereof), who has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a JATO (rocket) unit to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the roadbed.
The 1997 winner is Larry Waters of Los Angeles - one of the few Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment. Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
One day, Larry decided to fly. He went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four feet across. Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground. Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six-pack of beer, loaded his pellet gun- figuring he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descend- and went back to the floating lawn chair.
He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and provisions. Larry's plan was to lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours come back down.
Things didn't quite work out that way. When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon. He didn't level off at 30 feet; he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that height he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load. So he stayed there, drifting, cold and frightened, for more than 14 hours.
Eventually Larry found himself drifting into the primary approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. A United pilot first spotted him. He radioed the tower and described how he'd passed a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. Radar confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport. LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was dispatched to investigate. LAX is right on the ocean. Night was falling and the offshore breeze began to flow. It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot pursuit. Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with him. Once the crew determined that he was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away whenever they neared.
Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line and was hauled back to shore. The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew. As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace. As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned and replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around."
The reference to the JATO rocket incident in the opening note apparently did not occur; it is an example of a "Net Myth", a phenomenon described above. More information about Walters, the Darwin Awards and other "Net Myths" can be found at the following URLs: http://www.urbanlegends.com/misc/lawn_chair_balloonist.cfm or http://www.officialdarwinawards.com
If you have a good example of a "Net Myth," or other likely candidate for a future "Zero Gravity" column, send it to Editor, APS News, One Physics Ellipse, College Park, MD 20740; email: email@example.com.
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