Devlin Gualtieri

In youth, his hair grew like a weed,
But Old Hubble was balding, indeed.
"I know that I ought
To make this constant a naught,
Then my hairline will never recede."

PETA was out in full force,

But not for a dog or a horse.
At Schrodinger's place
They pleaded their case
For the sake of his cat, of course.

Einstein sat all night awake.

"These equations are so hard to make!"
"With a wave of my hands,
The Universe expands,
But Omega puts on the brake."

Dr. Young was having a fit.

His optics had developed a slit.
"My grant will not pay,
So I'll use it this way."
And you know the rest of this bit.

There once was a Chemist named Pauling,

Whose predictions were downright enthralling.
"I'm really quite fond
Of the chemical bond
That I get with this sticking and balling."

There once was a Solid State Phys.

Who hated this Quantum Math biz.
"Forget all that crap, *
The band has a gap,
And that's just the way that it is!"

(* Colorful language in the tradition of Richard Feynman)

"It's here, right under your nose!"

"Just arrange the whole thing in rows."
"Put hydrogen here,"
Dmitri would cheer,
"And tungsten down by your toes."

An equal of Gordon was Klein,

And his work was equally fine.
But, lo, what a fate,
For in Physics of late,
His name is replaced by a sine!

Hadrons, leptons, bosons, too,

Are members of our little zoo.
Though in their stalls
As little balls,
They're really clouds of quantum goo.

Can there be any levity

In electronegativity?
Fluorine is high,
As are others nearby.
How is that for brevity?

The accountant was ranting and hissing!
Such an audit was not of our wishing!
But such was our state,
An astronomer's fate,
Since some of our mass was found missing!