Tenureclocky

By Dany Adams, Department of Biological Sciences, Smith College, Northampton, Massachusetts
Drawing By Lois Malone (with apologies to Lewis Carroll)

© Copyright 2001 Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) Reprinted with permission.

"She's Brilliant!" so the Ivy grove Did hire the nimble minded maid. All flimsy were her bookish robes Her bona fides displayed.

"Beware the Tenureclock, young one, Don't pause at night or flaws they'll catch. Be sure you publish blurbs, and shun The populous intro class!"

She took an undergrad in hand. Long time the grant of dough she sought. And tested she her theory. And swelled a file. And taught.

And as she published what she could, The Tenureclock, with eyes of flame, Came sniffing round for moldy wood And prospecting for fame.

"No clue what's due? You're never through!" The maid's keyboard went click and clack. She felt half dead, but pushed ahead Around the tenure track.

And did she tame the Tenureclock ? Overcome all academic strife ? She's taken her MacArthur grant And gone to get a life.

"She's Brilliant!"so the Ivy grove Did hire the nimble minded maid. All flimsy were her bookish robes Her bona fides displayed.