Zero Gravity: the Lighter Side of Science
You Might Be a Physics Major If . . .
Pablo is sorry he named his dog Immovable Object and wished he'd called him Velocity instead.
- You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
- You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
- You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
- It is sunny and 72 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
- When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
- You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
- You always do homework on Friday nights.
- You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
- You think in "math."
- You have no life - and you can prove it mathematically.
- You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
- You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
- You have a pet named after a scientist.
- You can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
- You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
- You are completely addicted to caffeine.
- You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
- You consider any non-science course "easy."
- You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
- The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger's Cat experiment.
- You can translate English into Binary.
- You understood more than five of these indicators.
- You clip this column and post it on your door.
Copyright 1997 Funny-Town. All rights reserved.
©1995 - 2016, AMERICAN PHYSICAL SOCIETY
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Editor: Barrett H. Ripin
Associate Editor: Jennifer Ouellette